The Election

5th August 2005

TAKING IT ON THE CHIN IN THE GOLDILOCKS ZONE

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Apparently, we live in a place called by astrophysicists "The Goldilocks Zone". That is a place which is not too hot and not too cold, where life is able to exist. In our particular part of this zone an election campaign is going on. This is of great concern to the older generation who, in a mass of powerful greyness will vote Winnie back. But I have to say that most of the young people I know could not care less.

I recently watched the TV with some twenty something's and when I asked if I could watch the news they looked at me as though I was insane. Then they talked through the entire thing until there was an item about the new arse for Guess jeans, then it was all shoosh! wow! bitch! I've seen better arses on a cow etc...
Even at university when I was doing an American history paper, with many political majors enrolled, I still seemed to be the only tragic bastard reading the paper.

Has it always been this way.. or are the new generation just shallow fashion maniacs, more interested in THEIR make-up, than the make up of the government?
(Answers please in words of one syllalable)

When I was younger I at least had a passing aquaintence with the politics of the day. I remember encountering man-of-the-moment Lockwood Smith, in an incident where he must have felt like he picked the wrong bowl of porridge.
He walked up to a table of us at the Leigh pub and said that he was "here to meet his electorate and talk the issues". We assailed him with a barrage of questions and he fixed us with an uncomfortable look I have only seen before on Mormons. It is a look of quiet desperation that means he didn't actually want to discuss politics, in the same way that Mormons don't really want to debate religion. He just wanted to show off his chin and move on. Finally someone challenged him to a game of pool -

"If I lose bro, I'll by you a jug. You lose and we'll get rid of that stupid marijuana law."

Him and his chin were "gone before lunchtime" as they say. Mr Smith, on that occasion, seemed hopeless and way out of his depth (even with a bunch of drunk crayfish molesters) and it would seem nothing has changed. The man is, if his appearances on the radio are any example, a baffling idiot(what, as opposed to an articulate idiot -ed).

In defence of the young and politically challenged, the NZ political scene is dull and remarkably free from real personalities and characters. The reason I always find the much vaunted TV genre (usually, I note, by the people who make it - Gadsby, Tom Scott etc) 'Political Satire' tedious, is that the people they are satirising are boring in the first place.

In my darker, more overtly cynical moments I also wonder what difference a National government will really make anyway...
Then I see that National are planning to bring back the 'work for the dole' scheme and the left-wing bile rises in the back of my throat like it had never been away. What a tired old idea 'work for the dole' is. I won't go into all the depressing details as to why, but will summarise:
cost more>lose jobs>mean spirited bastard vote grab>1980's>run by gangs>move sand dunes>back the next day>. ...go away...

National seem determined to take us into the future by going back to the past.

"National - back to the future".

I have been impressed though, by the way National have co-ordinated their campaign. Especially compared to the clueless way the last one was run by Michelle "When power dressing goes Wrong" Boag.



National 2005 really have identified their targets (Maoris) and seem to have gained milage out of their billboards and key speeches. If they delay their tax cut announcement to the day of the election before anyone can analyse it, that may work well too.

I don't know about Don Brash... a friend said he has a weak chin but I disagree, he has no chin. Where is it? on vacation? The only person who has less of a chin is Gail from Coronation Street and look what happened to her. The Don tries to be forceful but I am not convinced he has what it takes to go toe to toe with Helen Clark for the length of the campaign. If his performance in the house is anything to go by she should make mincemeat of him on the multi party debate on TV3 and sausage casserole when they go 'mano a mano'on TV1. By the time poor old Paul Holmes (last seen leaving the building with his personality) gets what's left over he will be serving pre-recorded stir-fry.

Helen Clark has to be careful though, because in parliament when she is on the attack and full, self-assured, gloating cackle, she is ghastly. Also when she is trying to be assertive her voice drops several octaves like she is trying to be a bloke. Which is funny because when you meet her "live" she is so much more feminine. Which I find far more endearing.
I say I 'met' but it was more that we were briefly in the same room together.
I know she noticed me though, because soon after our eyes met, her face formed a disapproving scowl and she left at high speed in a police convoy.

Which is what she did at Waimate and which the opposition benches are (still) trying to gain milage from and damage her with.
I know it is wrong, tut tut, bad example for kids, irresponsible, etc..
But on a blokey level or on a primitive subliminal level or even way below that on the level I operate - the image of the Prime Minister in a motorcade, light blazing, travelling at high speed to see an ALL BLACK GAME is actually kinda presidential and dare I say it, may not be that bad for her.

PM "Is that nice Dan Carter boy playing driver?"
D "yes maam"
PM "Ok, I have work to do.. but don't you think your right foot is feeling heavier?"
D " I believe it is maam"
PM "Let's see what this car can do"
as the separating tinted window slides up and "Born to Be Wild" goes on the stereo.