Sport without Guilt

SPORT WITHOUT GUILT vs THE BARMY ARMY
10th June 2005

“I was once sitting in my house in Grey Lynn watching a rugby match when my flatmates,two fine Arts students came home.
“What the hell is that?” They said pointing at the telly.
“Footy”
“Not in this bloody house it’s not”
“Get it off! And get the hell out of here! And take your masculinity with you.”
I walked off emasculatedly into the cold. The sound of camomile tea infusing quietly in the background”

It may be hard to believe but stories such as the one above were once commonplace, especially in the inner city where at one stage, being a man was almost illegal(the epicentre of anti-sport tyranny was Harvest Whole Foods). To combat the rampant persecution, a group was formed.
A group that came to be known as “Sport without Guilt”.
Over the years, we have had to endure many an attack, but today, we celebrate our 10th year in action.

Some of our Achievements
- half time meat
- The Lee Stensness Award

Most tiresome anti-rugby argument: “ Why do you want to watch a bunch of men chasing a bladder of air around?”

I'm sorry but everything can be reduced to an existential fiasco if you want to..
Especially arty . . . .
“Poetry ... Why?”
Or, show them any of a number of pieces of modern art and ask for an explanation.




?

Carl Andres "trabum" OR a pile of bricks...either way - more important the A.B.’s? - I don’t think so..”

The first official S.W.G. gathering will be for the first Lions’ test. Where speed, skill and talent combined with a desire to play modern 15 man ‘complete football’ should win against a Clive Woodward style that wants to ‘slow the game down’ and mince slowly up the field with the forwards until they can kick a drop goal.
Here’s hoping anyway, because having to put up with a smarmy Clive Woodward after a win will be very hard to stomach.

To find a person more annoying than Clive Woodward look no further than Welsh writer, Stephen Jones.
WANKER!





"Mr Wanker to you"
("All Black scrum "powder puff)

Jones seems to be the leading spokesman for this idea that New Zealanders don’t know how to scrummage anymore; are “mere boys” and that the Super 12 is a frivolous exercise for pansies.
He seems particularly disturbed by our ungentlemanly habit, in the Super 12, of scoring those annoying bloody things, tries.
While some criticism of the Super 12 is justified. Eventual winners of the competition, the Crusaders could compete with any side in the world, including the Lions. Let alone a team from the Heineken Cup.
As for the scrummaging issue, that didn’t appear to be a problem for the ‘Naki' who shoved the Lions all over the park on Wednesday night.
I would say 'I want the All Blacks to wipe that smile off his face' but he doesn’t appear to have one.

THE BARMY ARMY
I have had an encounter with the Barmy army I would describe as slightly scary but at the same time, satisfyingly clichéd.
The group I came into contact with was more a small isolated platoon than an actual army but, even though it was lunchtime they seemed intent on getting pissed in a very single minded way (rather than the casual almost lackadaisical way I get drunk).

Barmy?
I am always suspicious of people who declare themselves ‘crazy’, you know ‘mad bastards’, I’m mad me, etc..
They are invariably not mad or crazy at all. Will laugh at crap jokes “Look he’s got a bra on...priceless.” and are probably actually accountants or something equally sensible.
On the extreme end of this troubling trend are people who call themselves ‘wacky’. They will usually be thespians. Can be known to juggle, stilt walk or play with fire (often simultaneously) and inevitably come from Wellington.
New Zealand Idol judge Jackie Clarke is one such person and is to be avoided at all costs.














"Mad Bastard"
......(accused of 80's clothes abuse.)

The ‘leader’ of the Barmy army, former London policeman Freddie Parker has a personality I would characterize as ‘mad bastard’/borderline ‘wacky’.
His repertoire includes singing stupid songs every time a camera is pointed his way and making jokes about sheep. Hilarious.

In my encounter, the barmy platoon greeted me at the bar with an “alwight?”
Followed by “Whose gonna win the series then mate?”
Before I could answer, his companion started yelling
“England” (not playing actually, mate)
Then they all started yelling something about the Lions.
I basically left them to it and went back to our table before I had said ‘owt’.
When the supporting Army divisions do arrive in their thousands