Election 2: Exclusive Brethren

9th September 2005

....................................GODZONE ELECTION

Wow ! The surprises keep coming with this election. I decided last week to make no mention of the bloody thing in this weeks post, but I just can’t keep away. It’s too good. And I am forced to take back what I said during the Lange post about it being boring, because it is shaping up as the most interesting for a number of years. Possibly because it is a contest, but also because of the complex manouveuring and unexpected twists. Wily old Winston Peters now home alone. In Epsom, National Voters advised to vote for ACT, Labour voters advised to vote for National.
AND …we now have the creepy Exclusive Brethen figures emerging from the shadows in pressed shirts.
Do you see them? They were like people from the X files or the Stepford Wives. Stepford Husbands perhaps. Who would have thought, in this election, we could have headline like:

Dr Brash " Creepy Christians shot me in my own foot!"

Which we don’t. But we could have, if we had someone as irresponsible, flippant and bad at english as me was in charge of a newspaper.
I wondered if I was perhaps alone in my excited but spooked horror. But then the day after their conference on TV, I went into Dizzengoff for a coffee and a very well-to-do businessmen came in (you know the type: car - audi, sunglasses – gucchi, Girlfriend - blonde, nose – running) and he was holding up the Herald saying, to all and sundry:
”look at these guys, freaky or what?”
and even Holmes (and his amazing personality) were on Newstalk ZB saying:
”they all look alike! Are they from space .. …

I think they came out of pods”

I loved the way the Brethren asked (when the connection between them and the pamphlet first broke) that people - RESPECT THEIR PRIVACY.
This from a group whose propanganda is intruding into every home in the damn country.
To compound the problems for National, and this really is a killer blow, Don Brash has admitted that he knew of the pamphlet plans, after earlier denying it. This change of mind for Brash or flip-flop, raises questions about honesty and credibility. It’s the last thing they need.
The admission was obtained, in something of a scoop, on radio BFM. A few weeks ago I said in a post that Noelle McCarthy was a potential star, well now, in her interview with Brash, she has out performed a legion of parliamentary lackeys and potentially blown the election wide open. Yeah!

Gerry “Bruiser” Brownlee has featured more this week too, out of the Blue corner, gloves on, whenever the going gets tough (Don has another engagement, apparently meeting with a sinister religious group who don’t even vote). After the Sunday night poll came out Brownlee again had the sort arrogant swagger he displayed when the National Party had the mega-boost after the Orewa speech. It’s an ugly thing to watch and the thought of putting up with Bruiser for an entire term, if they won, is daunting. But, New Zealanders do not like bullies and I am sure he has set a few undecided voters swinging. Helen Clark needs to watch herself as well. The incident on the plane was not her fault but does her no good. It was basically a media beat up because the press corp were on the plane as well. I can see it now: the journalists sat on the plane waiting to take off, trying to think of an interesting story, on a day without a compelling one, when a cliché in need of a headline comes strolling down the aisle or out of the intercom. Bossy Helen, control freak overacts with poor pilot etc etc.. The truth is, most of the momentum for the story, the apology and the furore came from others, not the Prime Minister or her office.
She needs to soften her image for the rest of the election and attempt to engage with regular New Zealanders. I am sure of that. The main technique she appears to uses is to regularly overuse the word “kiwis”.
“I don’t think Kiwis…”
”kiwis will understand”
”more kiwis are employed..”
”Kiwis have the biggest penis of any bird.... “ etc..

Thankfully in last nights debate Clark did not “go for the jugular” or go “feral” as the press say. She doesn’t need to. She needs to be kind, nice even.
Kumara News Observation: Drop the laugh while others are talking Helen, it sounds eerily like a ghost from elections past : Muldoon.
The Labour campaign overall has been remarkably benign. The Labour message – Lets go forward together – is a good one, but it is not getting through with clarity. They need to point out that the opposite is also true: If National wins. The country will be socially fractured and that we will go backwards - to the bloody eighties. Market Rents, work for the dole, padded shoulders, leg warmers. Lord help us all.
I imagine Labour have adopted this approach wait-and-see approach because of Nationals remarkable ability to shit on their own campaign. Sure they are setting the agenda, but more often than not in negative ways. I expect the Labour Party can hardly believe their luck.

Nationals, slick advertising efforts I have regarded with grudging respect. But are they effective or too nasty and smart for their own good? Take the thank-you-very-much ad and song. Yes. Guys we get the message. In fact we got the message very quickly - thanks very much.
Has there ever been a more irritating song?
Maybe – “The Warehouse – The Ware house” or “ OOOOOO 800…”
Now when I hear the national ads on the TV or radio it just annoys the hell out of me. And I’m certain I’m not the only one. I’m sure a few people are out there are saying “if I hear that damn ad again I will vote for the Greens”

It’s kinda hard to hate Don Brash and John Key and after yesterday I find myself feeling sorry for the Don. He seems out of his depth.
It’s many of the peripheral figures on the right that really piss me off. The sort wankers you hear on talkback and people like Matthew Hooten and Deborah Hill Cone and her eyebrow. It would be silly to blame her comprehensive ghastliness on jealousy of people with two of them. But all that concentrated bile must come from somewhere. Does anyone remember her seething, unhinged performance on the TV race debate show? Such rabid hysteria surely warranted a slap in the face.
Also the Maxim Institute. Who the hell are THEY? Talk about faceless. Mind you, I find it hard to take seriously an organisation that can have a conference for an ENTIRE weekend talking about ‘Political Correctness’ What a bunch of sad bastards.
Imagine the conversation on Friday night after a few beers:
“and then there was the bloody kid who wasn’t allowed to wear a crucifix to that school”
”yeah. but it’s alright to wear one of those Maori things..”
”OH IT”S POLITICAL CORRECTNESS GONE MAD”
“Bloody Maoris”
”Pisses me off the bloody national anthem has to be in Maori as well now”
”Bloody Hakas in maori too”
”OH IT”S POLITICAL CORRECTNESS GONE MAD”
“You cant even grab a chicks arse or put your hand down her bra anymore without some bastard saying your bloody sexist”
”It’s crazy”
”You cant even yell out compliments to some chick who's askin for it like -
‘ Hey @#$@$ want a @$#& come and &%^% with $@!@& later &%$%@ "
without being called Misogynist"
“No sense of humour. Lesbians I expect"
”OH IT”S POLITICAL CORRECTNESS GONE MAD”

OK. Imagine this crap for the whole night.
Then, the WHOLE weekend. Tragic.
They even bring over speakers from overseas to bang on about what it’s like in the States etc…
”OH IT”S POLITICAL CORRECTNESS GONE MAD” (In an American accent)
“Bloody Negroes”

I have done my bit for the campaign by sending a few well aimed letters-to-the-editor. The FUN FOR ALL THE FAMILY part is that I have being using the Maxim Institute letters wizard.
You can basically write one letter and send it to every newspaper in the country.

Many of my letters are published and my secret is to include humour. The people who pour over the many tedious letters, are human after all and if you can include a joke at the expense of some politician and make the editors laugh you are half way there. I currently use the name Ross Williams, remarkable because of it’s very ordinariness. A virtual trojan horse of a name. In the past, as Craig Frost, I have had ongoing stouches with the ACT party and Michelle Boag. One of my Boag letters was remarkable because it illicited a vanity driven reply. Michelle (I feel I can use her first name because of our special relationship) was trying to get the Northern vote to gain nomination to National president. I said (among other things) “she will barely have parked her BMW in Parnell and poured herself a Chardonnay before she sells the farmers out” I then went on to slag her ludicrous clothes – “When power dressing goes wrong “ She looks like someone who is on her way to appear in a pantomine – the mad hatters wife perhaps”
Now, I am sure it was the slagging bit that got it published AND caused her to respond. I guarantee people who knew her or worked with her would have laughed.
What she wrote in reply was:
“If Craig Frost wants to criticise me he needs to get his facts straight. I do not drink. So I would not have had a glass of Chardonnay” Very sniffy.
The reply was remarkable because obviously, I didn’t literally mean, have a glass of chardonnay. I was stereotyping her as a “Parnell Girl”.
As a famous PR person I would have thought she would have realised that, and the fact she replied, gave my letter so much more power.
So get out there and start writing.
Finally my advice for a sucessful campaign by the Labour coalition:
- Don’t bang on too much more about the Brash/Brethren thing.
- It may be too late but, left leaning backers could help the campaign by stopping large advertisements. They may prove counter-productive in the light of all of the above..
- Be nice. take foot off throat. Kiss babies.
Finally, if Helen something goes insanely wrong and she wants to gaurantee re-election I have some cynical advice which I can assure her will work..
Cry.
Simple, weep on telly.
”He…(sniff) called me a childless lesbo..” (blubberfest)
It worked for Hawke and Clinton - it would work for her too. .